How much of a lamb of sacrifice can anyone be in a relationship? Is there any special meditation or magical concoction one has to mix to ensure that the poison of staleness does not affect what they have going for them when in the spotlight with a spouse? Hmmm… There are too many questions to ask when you find yourself being ‘exclusive’ or not with someone you are either in lust or love with.
Many young people (i say ‘young’ people, because they are the most vulnerable and expertly naive) in the world today go into dating relationships most times not having a personal knowledge of what they are about to get themselves into. Oftentimes, they just do what they see their friends do. Peer pressure causes them to go the extra mile, then they eventually get into their first experience of heartbreak. They try to get into another, then anotther, until their so-called love life becomes a huge epic fail. The staleness sets in like cement on a wet floor, and at this point, there is no point of return for them; for years.
I remember what it felt like when i had my first feelings for a boy from my High School days (although, he wasn’t the first boy i kissed. Lol). It felt like i had just won a jackpot when we declared our late ‘teenage love‘, then eventually dating after a few years of being away. He always liked to come visit me. We would sit outside with other friends of ours and chat away excitedly. I sometimes scribbled how i felt on paper for him, and he would sometimes do the same. The whole experience was really exciting, until the day the bright sky began to slowly turn grey, and the eventual falling of rain from the sky of my eyes. I was really hurt! I experienced my own baptism of fiery failed first relationship. He cheated on me with another girl from the neighborhood. That was it. I was done! several years later, many more failed relationships set in. “Why?” you may ask. I certainly didn’t know why, until my eyes began to open to the truth. There were many stale things that needed to be thrown into the trash bag and burnt forever.
In this day and age, many people find themselves still experiencing bad relationships, because there is still a demon from the past lurking in their minds, spirit souls and bodies. They have not come to know that there is only one thing that is really constant in all of their past dating days. They are the only contant thing that needs spring cleaning in their minds. Studies have shown that “What you think, you attract.” It is a law that boomerangs on us constantly as individuals who will refuse to look away from the warning signs. Imagine if young man starts dating a new lady, and he still has a ton of trash from his past relationship hanging in the closet of his mind, he may never be very open to her, and they decide to call it quits or just abscond, thereby ending what they had abruptly. Who would be blamed, the guy or the girl? (You should answer that…) Many people still see their Exs in their new dating partners. Until you change your mindset from focusing on the wrongs, there won’t be any change.
There are signs that show that a relationship is stale, and they all have names; constant sugarcoated lies, blinding deceptions, muting communications, audacious pridefulness, egotistic blackmails. If all of these and many others are spotted in your relationship, best be sure that yours is speedily heading for the iceberg that tore through the titanic ship.
- Once you begin to see traces of lies, ensure you find out for yourself by asking questions nicely, and if you do not get any answers, then use your common sense… Selah.
- Both men and women can be very deceptive in so many areas. They can subtly lure you into believing anything. How you get to know if they are professional decievers, is to observe the way they carry on with people around them. Don’t try to wave it aside by trying to defend them, just take note, cause it might just be your turn.
- You earnestly wish you can have all the time to yourselves; that lovey-dovy time where you can just talk about just everything without holding back, but that doesn’t seem to materialise. Both of you just sit there loving the keypads of your mobile phones, and communicating silently to third parties. Seriously! Who does such a thing when they ‘claim’ to be exclusively in love? Even mutes have devised ways to ‘Communicate’ their feelings. A relationship devoid of proper communication (not talking o!), is as good as milling factory without machineries… Selah
- Pride goes before a fall. Nobody wants to keep falling in and out of love because of a prideful spouse. This character has killed several relationships, and many do not get to survive it. Watchout, otherwise you will constantly suffer for what you did not bargain for.
- Guys are mostly the ones with the ego-tripping issues, and the ladies are the most sufferers of such acts. Sometimes, emotional blackmail begins to surface when there is some form of friction. When this happens, take time out to nicely and calmly state your observations. If your spouse is gracious enough, he/she will begin to make the required change for a successful and enviable relationship.
Make that faithful effort to clean out your closet of the past hurts and pain. Do not be that one who will begin to torment your spouse with then stench of staleness because of what you have suffered in the past. If you hve the right perspective in place, you can also ask God to help you deal with that garbage forever.
Learn and observe what your spouse’s love language is, and go with the flow at all time. For further info on knowing about how you can sail smoothly in your relationSHIP, opt to get a copy of Gary Chapman’s The Five Love Languages here http://www.5lovelanguages.com/
Sometimes, not all relationships are worth saving too. I hope you learned something new today.
Edwina Amakievi Aleme.