Category Archives: Short Drama

MEN OF WORDS (A Short Absurdist Play)

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In an empty compound a group of young men are gathered under an old mango tree. The loudness of their conversation echoes in the empty space. Just then, the gate creaks open. A tall dark-skinned lady strides past them. They begin to make catcalls, she ignores their advances. Suddenly she stops abruptly, turns around and smiles, walking back towards them

EDWINA: (Smiling) Did someone say something?

ALL: (Smiling sheepishly) Yes!

EDWIN: I remember you! Are you not Neofloetry the poetess?

EDWINA: (Rolling eyes) Yes I am and you are…

EDWIN: My name is E-Edwin. (He introduces the rest of his friends)

EDWINA: Oh wow! My namesake. Nice to meet you all. I often see you all gathered under this old tree. What brings you together?

They mumble excitedly among themselves

ALL: Poetry!!!

EDWINA: Oh! Exciting. I love hanging out with people of like minds.

GRACIANO: We all can SEE that… (Looks at Godson)

GODSON: Shut up Grass!

EDWINA: Can I sit with you for a while? I don’t have any serious thing to do for now.

GRACIANO: (Whispers to Godson) See this babe o! She no dey fear us o!

GODSON: Shut up Grass!

She excitedly sits with them on the bench. Edwin willingly gives up his position

EDWINA: (Excitedly rummages through the contents in her purse. She pulls out a piece of paper) Can I read something I just wrote today?

EDWIN: Sure! I’m sure we’d love to hear it! Right? (Silence)

EDWINA: (Reading) YOURS AND MINE: I see trophies in between your thighs
No, I can’t help but crave them in my bench thoughts
Your poise is a voice singing riches with no coins
And the traveler is home no more a wanderer eating stones
It’ll be real, everlasting bond
The moment I want to break with you
So don’t fret, i am no flirt
I don’t deal in lies and dirt
It’s not bad crave, but a trophy in between your thighs
You’ll be forever on my mind
Forever
All I hear from you dear
Seems everlasting and clear
I see you see trophies in between Africa and Jamaica
But my tentacles embrace signals from afar
I won’t fret cos I know you want to commune
With this sweet wine taste on the tip of your tongue
I know you want to cross my twin hills with your fingers as feet
I know I’ll be in your contact lens a perfect fit
But just let my exhales and inhales mark time
With yours and mine
Hoping that all will be fine
Cos this time, my smiles won’t take strolls down no aisle
And may that one sweet day change no clime

They become uneasy. All smiling.

EDWIN: (Loud applause. Stands) Yours and mine, were you talking to me? I want to be that person… and may that one sweet day change no clime

GODSON: Edwin! Shut up!

EDWINA: (Surprised) Hian! What did i do?

EDWIN: Oh no! You didn’t do anything! Let’s continue… (Smiles) Jamaica and Africa i want, so don’t fret, i am not a flirt…

GRACIANO: (Calmly) Neo in fact I’m trekking with you to your house now. (Stands up with legs akimbo, hands on waist. With a smug look. Edwina laughs hysterically) I am serious!

EDWIN: Please sir, let me go first, with due respect sir.

GRACIANO: Okay, Neo… choose ye this day bla bla bla… (Cuts pose)

EDWIN: Neo, you know a twin is more bloody than an afro (Points to Graciano’s afro). Neo, two men are sighting your sea come and take one home.

EDWINA: (Ranting in metaphors) Two boats rowing towards an entrance. Unfruitfulness lurks beneath the sea.

GODSON: Beneath that thought, are sacks full of uncertainties…

Both Godson and Edwina’s eye lock for a few seconds. She looks away sharply.

GODSON: (Continues) Uncertainties the attainment of vain hopes, like talking into the ocean.

GRACIANO: (Uneasy) Pick your choose please, my feet weaks, my abracadabra can rue the rancor
and succor the painful manicure of her bashful libidinous craw-craw (Scratches head. Dances a few steps away from the tree. Returns)

GODSON: …Then pricosine is needed to heal d libidinous craw-craw

GRACIANO: A doctor you are though self acclaimed. Didn’t they tell you twas after me Pricosine was named?

GODSON: Then chukudi is your new name and not the grass men smoke to get high!

EDWINA: (Laughs hysterically) Highness is on rampage because you all are high on words. Your Royal Highnesses

EDWIN: My lady, you are what i am here for not a fight on words and nomenclature.

GODSON: Unlike d winner of war of words, so many whores want to word up.

EDWIN: (Inches closer to Edwina) You said, I want my trophy! I want to celebrate with that sweet wine taste on the tip of your tongue

Graciano frowns. He kicks around an empty Eva water bottle.

EDWIN: Neo, my apologies please…

GODSON: (Stands up) Hmmm… Uglyyy! Grass, It is too earlyyy… too earlyyy to frown.

GRACIANO: Remember you are our clown, that was before you went down town…

GODSON: (Smirks lips. Lick them and inches towards Graciano) Look! I roll with up-town girls not cave rats or church rats.

EDWIN: Neo please save us!

GRACIANO: Oh, I’ve heard that before from below my carpet…

GODSON: It’s your time Carpet master, 2015, cross carpeting, changing them like tampons! Vowing to tar our roads only with political lips of deceit

EDWIN: Neo, please save us!!

GODSON: Thumb printing impunity and impunity to 20billion nonsense

EDWIN: Neo, please save us!!!

GODSON: Political menstruation, no tampons,

EDWIN: (Beads of sweat rolling down his forehead. He wipes it off with a face towel) …Oh, dear Neo, save us… (Gasping for air)

Edwina watches on with surprise.

GODSON: The last time in Abuja, they gathered friends and called it conference of 12million nonsense, Grass caught them in his poem and gave them a naked shame, the Shepopotamus, a mere domestic furniture want Rivers to wink in wike! Chai!

EDWINA: Wow! What a handful you guys are…

EDWIN: We are used to this rants by these two… Poly-ticks! What a shame…

GODSON: (Ignores Graciano. Walks back to sit) How grammar ruins beautiful speeches! I am no saint but a scent of a fresh air and not breathe of hot air!

GRACIANO: (Yells out loud) GODSIN, POETIC OKPORLOCIOUS AGBEROCIOUS WHORE (Applauds. Gives him a thumbs up)

EDWINA: Racketeering, but I love when my boys fight with words, slinging them across the blue sky of this wonderful shed filled with poetic bubble heads.

GRACIANO: (Angrily) Boys? I no follow. I’m a MAAAAAAN! (Clenches teeth. Strokes his scanty goatee)

EDWIN: (Bursts into laughter) Maaaaaan o!

GRACIANO: Add “WAR”

EDWINA: (Smug face) Shut up! I am your Mummy from now on, so I have the RIGHT to call you ‘boys’! If you no gree, take the LEFT door. War Man, War men!

GRACIANO: (Grumbles) If na so e be, then I will go left. (He scurries off)

EDWINA: I think I have to go now…

EDWIN: No! Please stay…

GODSON: (Angrily) Edwin, Shut up!

EDWIN: I will not!

Edwina gets up and leaves. They do not notice this.

EDWIN: (Realizing Edwina is out of sight) You see what you and that afro man caused? I didn’t even enjoy the lady’s presence.

GODSON: Edwin… (Scratches head) Shut up! I say…

EDWIN: (Upset) Ok. This is it for me… (Carries his writing pad from off the ground) Remain here with your okpolorscious philosophy. (Leaves)

GODSON: (Breathes in deeply and exhales) Oh! What a relief!

Pulls out a bottle of wine from his small duffel bag; pops it open and sips from it. He brings out his phone and plays Peter Tosh’s song. Relaxes his back on the tree.

(Whispers) Good riddance to all these poetic whores…

THE END!

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PEN AND PAD

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Here’s a conversation between Mr. Pen and Miss Pad. I can’t help but eavesdrop on them. By all means enjoy this.

In a dark room. The evening moon fills only a small corner.

Pen: (Ponders) What can’t i spill my ink on?

Pad: (Laughs) Every surface is meant for you to bleed on

Pen: It’s not a joke…

Pad: Calm down dear, you are meant to love every surface you come in contact with

Pen: Yeah, that’s true, but sometimes i get stuck and refuse to spill ink

Pad: Why’s that?

Pen: I don’t know exactly why, but i know some surfaces are not just right for my tips’ poke

Pad: Very funny… (Flips)

Pen: (Angrily) Stop flipping. i am distracted by your wantonness. You always have a way to get me drawn to you

Pad: I will keep flipping until you fill me with all you’ve got

Pen: (Heaves) You win. i have no other option

Pad: Good! wait a minute, i heard you a while ago that you’ll love bleeding until you hunger for more pads…

Pen: Uhmmm… I guess so…

Pad: you mean you’ll be cheating on me?

Pen: (Defensive) I never said so…

Pad: Then..?

Pen: I love you very much, but i have no other option. I can’t stick to you alone. After all, i have seen several of my kind spilling their ink on you. i never complained (Mumbles) may be i did…

Pad: Well, i don’t have an option too, do i?

Pen: No you don’t

Pad: Neither do i

Pen: Our relationship never ends. I guess we know how to handle our flirtatious lifestyle, right?

Pad: (Flips) I guess so…

Pen: Anyway, let’s get ready for tonight…

Pad: Oh no!

Pen: What again?

Pad: I can’t say what it is…

Pen: Just be prepared for tonight. I don’t know what our user will write again tonight

Pad: (Heaves) She is always writing. I am scared…

Pen: (Surprised) Why is that?

Pad: (Sobs) I have just two pages left

Pen: Oh!

Pad: Yes… that means, we may not continue in this relationship again
Silence

Pen: Never mind, no matter how fresh the other might be, i know i will still be brought to fill up your edges and spaces

Pad: Oh well, (Mockingly) i see you are almost finished too and will be replaced, then, we will be old; you’ll be thrown away, while I’ll be kept safe.

Pen: Well, thanks for reminding me. there’s really no need for me to feel bad, my colleagues will continue from where i stopped; Poking pads like you and bleeding my ink on them.

Silence

Moments later, the writer walks into the dark room, turns on the light and picks up Pen and Pad to write.

Both: Oh no!

Pad: i have a feeling this story will end both or one of us

Pen: I’m guessing it’s you…

Pad: (Angrily) Shut up! That’s not funny…

Writer begins to scribble voraciously on the title ‘THE UNTOLD’ passionately. She tears a page from the writing pad and throws it in the bin.

Pad: (Shocked) She just tore a part of me! I am doomed!

Pen: Sorry Pad, I will miss you, but i know i will soon join you…

Pad: Shut up jor! Not funny anymore

Pen: Ok, i will miss you

Writer is done. She drops Pen and safely tucks Pad in a mini book-shelf.

Pen: Pad… (Calls out softly) Pad, can you hear me?

Silence

Reading light is turned off. Pen Heaves