Tag Archives: relationship

Poet of the week: Victoria ‘blaq ink’ Botimi

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Poet of the week: Victoria ‘blaq ink’ Botimi

Hello friends, it’s a brand new week, and nothing gets me more excited than having to take time out to celebrate and encourage people in their chosen field of art. I will not consider myself a life coach, but I enjoy calling out the best from every individual that crosses my pathway in the course of their life’s journey.

Today, I will be featuring a young, shy but vibrant spokenword poet. Hol’ up! Let me fill you in from my ‘story bank’. The first time I met her, sometime last year, she struck me as a very intelligent young lady. I made an attempt to scan her, (which is my attitude whenever I am meeting someone for the first time). I loved the slightly loose vintage shirt and and skinny faded blue jeans she had on. The brightness of her face matched the yellow, green and orangey floral scarf she beautifully wrapped on her head. Somehow, I knew I have made another interesting friend.

Several times I had tried to drag her to the forefront to perform her poems without fear on stage, but today, she is one bold kitty before the microphone and prying eyes of the audience.

Botimi Victoria whose alias/pen name is Blaq ink, is a freelance writer, and a poetic member of the “INKERS BREED’. Born in the month of July 30, 1996 in Port Harcourt, Nigeria. She is a Public Health graduate of Madonna University, Elele (2016). She lives in Port Harcourt, Rivers state. She is also considered a spokenword poet, and has graced several platforms with her thought provoking poems on dating and relationship struggles of young people her age. Currently, Victoria is a Social and Health volunteer, and a strong believer that anyone can be what they want to be in this world. Her all-time favorite slogan is “be you!”

Do enjoy reading her poem below.

***   ***   ***
KONJITIONSHIP
I saw love, or… so I thought
I drank endlessly from its’ depth, yet unsatisfied:
It was sweet, then, salty.

I felt it, then lost it, maybe It was never mine for keeps

But, I could swear it was in every moment we spent together,

irrespective of the distance between our geographical location…
It was in those fights we had that led me right back into your arms,

sweating and panting after sessions of painful, yet pleasurable body wrestles

So, while you walked down the aisle with her, I was basking in pure reminiscence

it all seemed so real, but all a floating mirage above like tired clouds…

Those times under the bed sheet, when we pulled off sheets

put in shit and pull out shit in dark places our eyes couldn’t see;

leaving us to our sixth sense.

Those moments you whispered you couldn’t ‘live’ without me,

because I was your ‘cure’, did you actually mean that I was ‘the cure’ to your Marvin Gaye disease?
Did you mean i was your resuscitation nurse, call me a sexual healer…?
‘Cause as I speak emotional gibberish, I watch you live on, even though you died in me.
When you said that I was ‘the one’, Did you mean that I was just one,

plus the others you had locked in to your side?
This left me counting time on this table, multiplying the number of times you told me this love is able, yet you left me… like broken turntable; a broken lyric note…

As they say, “this table you’re shaking has a lot of Nigerian kings on it”,
but, i will shake this table shaking it till they all fall off like wilted leaves;
their spirits fleeing the sight ’cause my heart stopped beating in sync with yours…
I felt the konjition you put me, now i have lost it;
Maybe, you, all to myself was never mine for keeps…

©blaq ink

 

*Conji or Konji (congeal) is a well known Nigeria pidgin slang word for being left alone for long without sexual relations.

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THE DAY JACK LET JILL TUMBLE DOWNHILL

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THE DAY JACK LET JILL TUMBLE DOWNHILL

There are certain things that are better left unsaid when you are trying to get up the ‘dating relationship’ hill, with your pail full of joy and laughter, and all of a sudden you come tumbling down like Jill falling right along behind Jack, spilling off the liquid content you fetched from the well of friendship. That… will be… the very thing… that can open your eyes… if you do not shut them tightly because of the pain you feel on your knee cap. At that moment if you look closely, you will catch a glimpse of Jack trying to gain his balance and taking steps back up the hill without bothering if he broke his crown for your sake or if you are still tumbling downhill. While doing so, he is scouting for another to take uphill again… How weird is that?

*This analogy above happens every now and again when there is a little ‘scratch’ between friends or dating relationships.*

Have you ever found yourself being in a friendship relationship with someone you thought you were extremely close to, and just at the strike of some slight argument, you are left hanging like you never existed in the first place, then all the emotions come rushing in like pain assembling to awaken the fresh bruise you just had from falling? The questioning of friendship begins to jet back at you. You begin to have series of ‘self-blaming’ episodes, and why you shouldn’t have responded with an answer to a question you thought was not relevant at that moment.

I have had the opportunity to listen to fellow ladies or even guys reiterate these experiences, and I couldn’t help but wonder why things have to be that way, after all the sweet cementing of friendship, then comes a demon with the hammer to break off the sealing that has lasted for months or in most cases, years. That seems to be the problem these days with many.

There are too many questions that come to your mind, especially when it is observed by you or your partner that there are ‘several’ individuals in the background that both of you fall back on as a ‘backup plan’, without a feeling of remorse when something goes wrong. I mean, I am being real here. There are many guys and ladies who have turned into ‘hunters’, prowling, and establishing ‘relationships’ when they are in fact in a relationship that’s growing (this is what makes it easier for ‘Jack to step back up the hill, not minding if Jill is still tumbling downhill’). Whatever happened to true friendship?

Two mature adults… scratch that… two mature and reasonably sane adults should be able to communicate properly without all the blame game drama. Take for instance, if I create an environment where an unhealthy argument happens, I should be able to apologize and take responsibility for my said words that may have sparked that fire, and my partner should be able to do the same without any misguided sentiments. In fact, many will even choose to dish out the ‘silent treatment’ if they feel obligated to do so, thereby seeing themselves as the ‘not guilty’ one. Now, that’s some over-sentimental-emotional-torture-bullcrap! In my own open-minded and unbiased opinion, that’s gross irresponsibility!

Now, my major questions are:

  • Why can’t a reasonable adult point out another’s fault without having a hidden motives behind that action?
  • What happened the vow of friendship without selfish and egotistic sentiments?
  • Is apologizing without causing further problems with honest questions a crime to shut out your partner?
  • Why do many, especially guys dish out the ‘emotional torture’ and ‘silent treatment’ tactics to get back at their partner for faltering when in fact they just want out?

There are too many questions to ask, but it only takes someone with common sense and wisdom to be able to handle such a situation without turning anthills into hard rock mountains.

I have had my own fair share of these kinds of experiences, but how you deal with it without ‘self-blame’ or blaming your partner, and moving on with your life is what makes all the difference, especially when the guy or lady in question have several ‘open options’ to choose from. Jill, in this case, should not get uptight when she finds herself at the bottom of the hill, she should just get up, dust the dirt off her dress, pick up her pail and walk back home, with thankfulness in her heart. There are many unhealthy relationships out there in the world. What did Jack and Jill sign up for? This is all a stereotypical vicious cycle…

 

N/B: Jack could be a lady, and Jill, a guy. It all depends on which gender the arrow points to. By the way this Jack and Jill nursery rhyme has some sexual connotations in it… Lmao

 

Photo Credit: http://www.flatironchurch.com

WHAT GOOD IS A KISS…?

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WHAT GOOD IS A KISS…?

WHAT GOOD IS A KISS…?

 

Today’s atmosphere felt really congested. It reminded me of the days of broken hearts flying everywhere like glass splinters. It also reminded me of when these pieces pierce an unsuspecting boo who will keep thinking that shot was from cupids’ bow, but end up being hurt all over again. This reminder is amply overloaded with ‘stories that touch’ from the past. Hmmmmm!

I started my morning on a rather low note. I wasn’t sure what it was, but I just couldn’t get my eyes off my ever-so-annoying wall clock. First, it was my phone’s alarm waking me up at exactly six-thirty-one a.m. These sleepy orbs of mine kept prowling my entire room until I couldn’t take it anymore. I sat up, and still a bit unsatisfied with my four hours of sleep from last night, i wanted to just go back to bed. But my clock just reminded me that it’s almost seven-thirty. I didn’t grumble, but I mumbled what I thought was a ‘Good morning’ prayer. While I sat on the edge of my bed, these words “what good is a kiss, especially if it’s not with the one you truly love…” from a a movie WAITING TO EXHALE soundtrack came flying into my mind. I paused for a while and allowed my mind to wander around this, and I quickly concluded that this could be an act of ‘kissing the enemy’. How disastrous can this be to any dating relationship? Hmmm

I pondered upon this, and It just hit me that it is very obvious that a lot of singles are in fact, actually kissing someone they have absolutely no business sharing such an intimate moment with. I couldn’t get my head around why that just happens. I have been in that kind of situation where I deliberately and naively put myself under that spotlight. It wasn’t a prim and proper kind of entanglement, you know. It only gave way for unwanted relationship thorns to start blooming. Trust me. It’s not a pleasant situation, except you are a master in the art of being a shady lover. Many ladies like me are still practicing this act, whether we agree or not. It might not sound nice if I tagged it ‘a form of desperation’, but at the same time, I also think it is just a way of getting out of the label of being ‘single and reserved’. I hope I don’t get a thousand female eyes shooting at me. Hehehehe.

As crazy as this might sound, some relationships are nowadays more or less like a ‘try-your-luck’ kind of situation. I have been in a place where I hear most ladies yammer on the fact that they no longer care if these dudes love them or not, or whether these ladies like these dudes or not. They just want to be in a relationship. They just want that fine glass of wine without checking the bottle for the amount intoxication effect it will live on them. They certainly do not care if that box of chocolate is for them or not. All they want is the whole container. Who am I to judge anyone? I have had my own fair share of the wahala in the past.

While all of this as a trend is ongoing from the female side, I think the male camp also have their own ‘shoot your shot’ kind of situation going for them too. As much as they wouldn’t want to admit it, this whole “I just want to get hooked” might just be like ‘a-little-boy-in-a-games-resort’ thing for them. It is not a crime to be picking and dropping toys until you find that one special toy, but where it is wrong is when it is applied in the relationship kinda thing. No one likes to be picked, used and dumped. Ok, I get it! You just want to ‘taste and see’. But why taste before you begin to choose to see if the Aunty is right one? I would rather the Aunty is befriended first before you decide on the ‘tasting’ part… *rolling eyes* Anyway, not all the Uncles in this camp are like that sha… I admit it. There are just a few good men to salvage the situation.

Meanwhile, in my own camp (my very own personal camp), I have decided that this is not my wahala. All I can do is try to wrap my head around this whole situation, and begin to live a stress-free life when it comes to these kinds of entanglements. Many singles out there have what works for them. They have decided to live like that, while others are still regretting why they decided to share a kiss with the one they do not truly love. What is my own? I am only a ‘partially single’ observer (don’t ask me what that means).

Let me just fix my gaze on what makes me happy. Adios!

 

(c) Edwina ‘Neofloetry’ Aleme

 

photo credit: wikihow.com